That Awkward Moment When You're Your Own Worst Critic

Late night self-loathing voice is always a very nice girl.

Dark Side of Brain: What are you even doing? You can't write. Look at this story--LOOK AT IT. My God, there isn't even a plot there are just characters doing things. Why are they doing these things? Why can't you make them interesting? IF YOUR PLOTTING WAS ANY LOOSER THE INK WOULD RUN RIGHT OFF THE PAGE.
Good Side of Brain: Sweetheart, it would be nice if you began fewer sentences with pronouns. Just a suggestion.
Dark Side: WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH YOURSELF IF PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ THIS? YOU ARE A SHINING EXAMPLE OF EVERY SINGLE CRITICISM YOU HAVE EVER MADE.
Good Side: And a few less adverbs please.
Dark Side: GO READ SOME OSCAR WILDE SO YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE NOT AND NEVER EVER WILL BE.
Me: *stares blankly at screen*

Perserverance causes more brain-yelling but it's better than writing nothing at all.

When I neglect to write I start criticizing myself for being lazy and uninspired and I start thinking I'll never complete anything worthwhile.

Oh broken self-esteem, you are such a double-edged sword.